| Apologies! |
[Sunday, July 15, 2007 // 3:15pm] |
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My brother caught me purging yesterday and keeps getting on my s/n talking to my friends under the ED listing. If you said anything to anybody im really sorry. I put a password on it, so it shouldnt happen again.
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| ...And i still have the summer blues |
[Wednesday, July 11, 2007 // 12:46am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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I have been working so hard on getting the hell outta my house. I had a house then Township said they wouldnt pay for a house because I was a single person. Then I found an apartment today and LOVED it, I gave the dude a hundred dollars then signed papers, then told him id bring the rest friday and finish signing the lease. The apartment is actually a house divided into two seperate places, and it was fabulous. Especially for 425 AND he pays the water and cuts the grass. It was 2 bedrooms and had a enclosed porch. Well the dude called me and he said Township wont pay for it b/c of the way the did their taxes on the title on the house/ apartment. I cried. I was so excited because my i hate my fucking brother. Must leave. And my mom was excited and we even and went and picked out a couch from rent a center lol. He said they are going in the morning to see if Township will pay for me a house for the same rent that they have; but i told him they already said they wont pay for me a house since im a single person. I put the situation in God's hands, and it still is. But could he not tease me?
SO being the unselfish me i try to be; i told mary about the apartment because the dude said that if i had a friend that wanted it he'd give it to them. So i hope she gets it cuz she wants it too. Though id be a lil bitter if she got it, cuz i wanted it. But whatev, life goes on. Im gonna tell my other friend Ebony if Mary doesnt end up getting the money together or wants it. But if Ebony does that be good cuz i could stay with her until i finally find my own place. Im sure Mary would let me stay with her but i dont care for her boyfriend which i guess would be/live there, and it wouldnt be right for me to be a bitch in HER HOUSE if he was there. Thats the stuff ruined friendships are made of. Men.
Speaking of men, im kinda lonely. I def. dont want a boyfriend, but just a dude to hang with sometimes. I have the summer blues as i call it. Im just so used to having a bunch a triflin dudes hangin around and now i dont. Oh well, its for the better.
I hope I still get it somehow though. I mean, cmon God...If i wouldnt have broken my leg for a good cause i could just work instead of having to relie on township to pay for everything. PLEASE?!?
Ugh. It felt so good to vent!
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| Apartment?! |
[Sunday, June 24, 2007 // 5:56am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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So i think i finally found an apartment! Auntie Sherry went with me to find one, and we ended up going to this renters association place that has listings of a bunch of apartments. A lady she knew owns the place and said she had an apartment to rent. She said it would take a few weeks because some dude is living there and paying rent, except he isnt actually there. So i go next Monday with my aunt to go get paperwork for it so Township can pay for it for me. Im really excited because A) ill be out this crazy house and B) when i was little I always said id be out the house before i was 21. I woulda been gone a loong time ago but accidents impeded my progress. boo to that! but cheers to this:
my mom told my dad about me moving, and he said, "i guess we'll have to furnish it for her huh?"
YES! ill have nice NEW furniture instead of thrift store stuff. Which doesnt bother me at all, but new stuff is even better.
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[Wednesday, June 13, 2007 // 11:32pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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So my brother. He is crazy. Even more so then me. I think he's on drugs or something again. He went nuts yesterday and punched me dead in the mouth. Today we cussed and yelled at my parents and they actually fought. I cant take this stress. Im trying to leave. But since I cant work since my leg is still all messed up, and if i work i wont have insurance i cant. But i must. I wont live here anymore! There is a process im going through (township)that will pay for my apartment since i cant work right now. Ill babysit and do hair on the side for money. I've binged all yesterday and today and gained 6 pds. I hope some of that was just water weight. IDK. I cant take it. I need a vacay. Seriously. I hope that township will work. Im further depressed because of all this. And i cut. I feel like i have no control over my life right now. All this is not good. Not good for my sanity, at all.
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| inches lost |
[Sunday, June 10, 2007 // 3:03pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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6.10.07 5.30.07
CW:227 =232
BICEPS=15 =14
WAIST=37.5 =39.5
BUST=40.75 =42
HIPS=48 =49
THIGH=27 =31.5
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| So I went.. |
[Wednesday, June 06, 2007 // 12:00am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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Okay so. This is what happened. I went over to his house to wait for his brother to get off work. He said he dug my 'fro!! He went and got some vodka (<3) and i told myself i wasnt going to drink because of the cals. But i couldnt resist. But i ONLY drank a 1/2 of a pint of it. So thats really good for me. Then for like an hour we watched tv. We kept reminiscing and had a billion laughs. Like old times. Except is wasnt. I noticed that my picture was up in his room, it wasnt before..I was thinking to myself this is some kind of ploy, like he wanted me to notice it. Then he like read my thoughts and was like "look i have our picture up!" i said, yeah. noticed.
Then his mom came home so i went up to talk to her. When i was upstairs i could hear him on the phone. Then i went downstairs and he was like my brother said we should come another day cuz he already fucked up. RIGHT. Like i think that was another ploy.He's known for tricking me to get me to stay. So im like whatev cuz by this time im tipsy. Then i blurted out, i wanna go have sex at makeout mountain.
Makeout mountain is this spot where we used to go and have sex sometimes. I dubbed it makeout mountain because i felt so 16. Plus i really like having sex in the car. And where i could get caught ;)
He was like well,okay.Only if u want too. Do you want to fo real?
I said i've been a bad, bad girl. Dont i need a spanking?
OMG i really did say that, just for laughs though. Thats halirious mostly because it was true.
Then we went and his penis was hard! He is a cokehead and alcoholic. He penis used to allllllwaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyysssssss be semi hard. Never hard-hard cuz of all the drank and drugs. He told me he cut back on the coke and i guess it was true cuz he was "im 18 and im hard" hard. Yes.
So that was a delicious treat. But im mad at myself cuz i said i wouldnt have sex with anyone unless it was for money. I needed to punish myself and not have any type of pleasure. Only money.
On the way home he said that was so 'exhilirating'. I lauuuuggghhheedd so much because he doesnt know words like that. HE just uses them to humor/impress me. After i was through laughing he said, "you know i said that just for you, i was thinking of the best word to use because i really wanted to say that was some good shit" and laughed. yes love, my sex is hot. i know.
Then we bid adieu. I had fun, i cant even front on that. And he looked good. And the sex was good. And he likes my afro. oh ANDDDD he said "i can tell you losing weight". And i think he grew back on me a little bit. I dont want to start to like him again. 2 years was plenty.
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canwe69again's journal
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